Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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