The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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