i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
this beer tastes like vomit already
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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