I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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