john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
