I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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