dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
