Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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