it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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