I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize