Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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