ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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