I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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