guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
