I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
