I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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