The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
