He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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