i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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