I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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