if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I understand Curling. That high.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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