i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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