I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
