I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
time to smoke my breakfast
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
