I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
