You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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