drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
