I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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