Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
