Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
