You're earring is so big in my mouth
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
