Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
