so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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