respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
