you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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