so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
