this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
