Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Soap is not a condiment
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
