I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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