Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
