ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
