Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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