I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
