dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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