So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
