i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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