I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I love you. Go after that dick
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
