While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
