it was like his penis was on wheels.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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