One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
