the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
