and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
