you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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