so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
