his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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