i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
