I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
