All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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