My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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