i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
