____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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