so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
