The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
