when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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