Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
