hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
