When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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