Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
