i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
