opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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