she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
