Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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