i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
