He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
