here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
