I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
