so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
