Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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